day one

The countdown has begun- Ellie sees it as 6 more days of school. Six more days til she is a senior in high school. Six more days until we can schedule senior portraits. Six more days until she can sleep past 6AM. I see it as only six more 5 minute back scratches every morning to calmly wake up a 17 year old. I see it as only 6 more lunches to prepare the night before bed, only 6 more mornings we can sit down to breakfast together listening to the familiar TODAY show music- me with my coffee, her with her proteins and fruit so carefully planned, only six more days to drop her off at school at 7:41AM, 1 minute late. Most moms look forward to summers (and summer's end come August) but not me- to me this is my last summer. To think about just one more year of sharing breakfast, one my year of back scratches, one more year of sharing the TODAY show...it makes me feel sad. for all these years I have devoted myself to being a mom, and slowly, over the next 400 days or so, I sense all that slipping away. I am not sure how other moms feel, but it is how I feel. Other moms sometime have more children to raise- so sending off the first might feel like an accomplishment, who knows, maybe even a stress reliever (or not). I cannot say how anyone else might feel- I only know how I feel. I already feel lonely, not knowing

my baby getting all growned up!

what my next step or title will be. I have a job- one I love, with co-workers I love even more- but I don't want to burying myself in it. I have a husband- heck it has only been a year we are still newlyweds- but we were both devoted to raising this beautiful little (big) girl and we will both be sending her off into the world together. I want to know what is next. Moms are busy- most of my friends are moms. Some are newlyweds themselves and just starting their young families. Seventeen years from now maybe they will feel like I do now- or maybe they won't...It has been such an honor and privilege to raise a daughter- I know many people would love to have the experiences I have- but I feel like I will be lost without that responsibility anymore. Maybe someone else out there feels like me- if so let me know so I don't feel so nutty! I am a planner and I need a plan what's next. I need ot lose weight and exercise more- hopefully that is next. I need a home office- sorry Ellie that would be your room (just kidding)! I love decorating and redecorating. I love cooking (and eating) and traveling and talking and entertaining and hanging out with the friends I don't have much of any more because I have been too wrapped up in being a worker and being a mom. But I will be unbecoming one of these- in about 400 days- so this is day one into figuring out what's next......