Celebrating

So I have to admit I am new at this. All the friends whose blogs I so admire are witty and insightful and can write in rhymes. They know how to use typeface and fonts to highlight important stuff and keep your attention. I have always thought I was funny when I talk (not sure if anyone else does) but normally when I write I am much more formal. I gotta break out of that comfort zone.

I will get there- I promise- but for now just keep reading.

So after “day one” I learned some things:

1.  I am not the only one who has ever felt or feels the way I do
2.  I definitely do not want this to be a depressing blog- maybe sometimes it will be- But I’m striving to make it fun and funny. I don’t ever want it to be something people turn to like a Nicholas Spark’s movie or a Lifetime original. “Let’s go read Becky’s blog- I need a good cry”
3. My husband would welcome me making him awesome breakfasts and packing him lunch everyday- he volunteered to take on this role from Ellie once she heads off to college. Shocking
4.  People read it- cool!

Me and my daddy

The past two days I made memories- memories celebrating first birthdays (and 82^nd birthdays), celebrating LobsterFests and Fathers and celebrating my daughters league championship and new babies at the same time. I listened to the young moms (and dads- thanks for reading Ryan!) who read my blog tell me that as they read they can’t imagine the life, when no one is pulling them in this direction in and that. When they get to sleep in, not worrying about someone else- if they ate or if they are clean- not worrying if the house is picked up or if they are doing the right thing or making the best choices. The problem is you will always worry about these things no matter how old your kids get.

PINTEREST WIN!

So, randomly, I decided to find out how many more days I had until Ellie leaves for college. I was guesstimating about 400 days last week. I decided to count (or google it- whichever you believe). There are approximately 411 days til she leaves. Approximately. Right there- I have 11 more days than I I thought- so I’m excited. But then again I’m anxious- because I actually see the number- it became more real. My favorite blogger (of http://butlerish.blogspot.com/) still has at least 6,626 days (roughly).  

To see the number dwindle is scary and exciting- I am so excited to see the young woman she is becoming, and so scared to recreate myself all at the same time. But maybe I don’t have to recreate- I just have to see myself differently and start doing things for myself that I would never have before. Like make recipes off Pinterest http://www.pinterest.com/pin/367184175840661408/ (BIG WIN) and spend more time celebrating all these events and days- things I MADE myself too busy for in the past. I saw the past 6000+ days as full of chores- cleaning was a chore, cooking and baking a chore, lunches and family plans a chore.  I don't know why- but now I realize- better late than never- to relish opportunities to spend time with family, friends and framily. These are not chores- they are memories. Pinterest wins and Pinterest  fails, birthdays, graduations, lobsters whatever! They are still all memories and I am so looking forward to celebrating each and every one of the next 411 days.

A me thing that I have been saying for a while now (and those that know me know I keep saying this) I want to find a “show” to watch and books to read- I have had some suggestions- Games of Thrones, Orange is the New Black, Scandal, The Good Wife…I need to not feel guilty sitting down to follow someone else’s drama every once in a while…maybe that will be another step towards a new hobby. Suggestions?

day one

The countdown has begun- Ellie sees it as 6 more days of school. Six more days til she is a senior in high school. Six more days until we can schedule senior portraits. Six more days until she can sleep past 6AM. I see it as only six more 5 minute back scratches every morning to calmly wake up a 17 year old. I see it as only 6 more lunches to prepare the night before bed, only 6 more mornings we can sit down to breakfast together listening to the familiar TODAY show music- me with my coffee, her with her proteins and fruit so carefully planned, only six more days to drop her off at school at 7:41AM, 1 minute late. Most moms look forward to summers (and summer's end come August) but not me- to me this is my last summer. To think about just one more year of sharing breakfast, one my year of back scratches, one more year of sharing the TODAY show...it makes me feel sad. for all these years I have devoted myself to being a mom, and slowly, over the next 400 days or so, I sense all that slipping away. I am not sure how other moms feel, but it is how I feel. Other moms sometime have more children to raise- so sending off the first might feel like an accomplishment, who knows, maybe even a stress reliever (or not). I cannot say how anyone else might feel- I only know how I feel. I already feel lonely, not knowing

my baby getting all growned up!

what my next step or title will be. I have a job- one I love, with co-workers I love even more- but I don't want to burying myself in it. I have a husband- heck it has only been a year we are still newlyweds- but we were both devoted to raising this beautiful little (big) girl and we will both be sending her off into the world together. I want to know what is next. Moms are busy- most of my friends are moms. Some are newlyweds themselves and just starting their young families. Seventeen years from now maybe they will feel like I do now- or maybe they won't...It has been such an honor and privilege to raise a daughter- I know many people would love to have the experiences I have- but I feel like I will be lost without that responsibility anymore. Maybe someone else out there feels like me- if so let me know so I don't feel so nutty! I am a planner and I need a plan what's next. I need ot lose weight and exercise more- hopefully that is next. I need a home office- sorry Ellie that would be your room (just kidding)! I love decorating and redecorating. I love cooking (and eating) and traveling and talking and entertaining and hanging out with the friends I don't have much of any more because I have been too wrapped up in being a worker and being a mom. But I will be unbecoming one of these- in about 400 days- so this is day one into figuring out what's next......